If Books’s “Challenging Guys” Were Into the Tinder

by Sarah Chevallier

Name: Holden Caulfield Decades: 19 Industry: “Jobs” was for phonies which “care” in the fake stuff like “bills” and “food” On the Holden: Simply searching for casual dating, as everybody’s an artificial with the exception of me (obviously). Sidebar, I am not saying completely sure “phony” form what i envision it means.

If the Literature’s “Complicated Men” Was For the Tinder

Name: Heathcliff Ages: Practically no idea. Occupation: Mergers (with my enemies’ family) and you will purchases (of their money and you will contentment). On the Heathcliff: Invested very long cultivating that #RevengeBody and also #RevengeWealth, nevertheless now I’m looking a pleasant, gullible woman to settle down with, essentially individual that simply was related to my opponent, just who also only was partnered on my childhood friend. You realize, to possess normal, entirely not nefarious explanations.

Name: Odysseus Years: 38 Profession: Queen away from Ithaca who is 100% Devoid of a great midlife crisis Regarding Odysseus: I am about one to wanderlust life: it is more about the journey, not new appeal, you are aware? Particularly when this new appeal is filled with “responsibilities” eg “governance,” “parenthood,” and “wedding so you can a lady who is demonstrably wiser than myself given that she evades offered for example sexual chattel having 10 years if you are I doof as much as fucking arbitrary witches and you may blinding one to-eyed creatures.” Join me into the travel, kid.

Name: Edward Rochester Many years: 43 Occupation: Rich widower. Yep, the outdated ball and you will strings is dry. Real deceased. Maybe not already during my attic becoming restrained having an authentic basketball and strings. In the Edward: In search of a more youthful lady who will error my brooding seems and condescending misanthropy to own heartbreaking torment, and you can if at all possible try to your manager-employee roleplay. Extra in the event the she loves babies but not adequate one she actually is put regarding of the how mean I am back at my accompanied child.

Name: Victor Frankenstein Years: 34 Field: Doctor, scientist On the Victor: Searching for someone who shares my personal desire to your mysteries out of lifestyle but could getting up to have a persistent hunt to recapture and destroy my dated roomie out of my personal weeks at the newest College or university from Ingolstadt. Sense of adventure is essential, since the we hop out with the Northern Pole in the future.

Name: Jay Gatsby Decades: What age would you like me to become lol Community: Influencer, Renaissance Kid On the Jay: I’m weirdly like him/her, however, particularly a wonderfully rich and mysterious version of your you to definitely you would have never dumped for no GODDAMN Cause from the first place, Daisy.

Name: Rodion Raskolnikov Many years: 21 Industry: Student, Over the top Man whom technically it might be totally ok when the the guy just killed an old people, just like the After all, he could be extraordinary, however know, simply theoretically do not telephone call that mean cop who provides snooping up to. From the Rodion: I am only a much better-than-regular man looking a close angelically a beneficial lady with an excellent tragic facts who will with no good reason purchase by herself so you can my personal redemption in fact it is extremely on hearing me reciting my half-cooked Thinking 101 “theories.”

Name: Jake Barnes Ages: 30 Community: Expat, alcoholic On the Jake: Awesome manly. Definitely, however, not at all impotent. Extremely on the angling and you can obsessing along side personal and you may sexual choices from a woman who’s entirely just a buddy (however know, certainly not an equal who’s capable of making her own options, because of that damn ladybrain). Most importantly: maybe not Jewish.

Name: Hamlet Decades: twenty six Career: Future Queen out of Denily is actually that which you in my experience. As with, I will not people up to I split my family, family relations, or maybe even my personal country aside considering a discussion I got with my father’s ghost regarding how it is so Gross you to Mother and you may Bro C are performing they, in which he conformed that it is entirely typical you to I’m very fixated on my mom’s sex life. My last girlfriend was not one wisdom, so I’m finding someone who often assistance me in this tough time and will not enjoys a fucking cow whenever We stab the girl father and verbally punishment her.

Name: Lucifer Ages: Not Relevant Community: Ex-angel, Self-employed opponent out of God with his manufacturing From the Lucifer: I really conceived matchmaking, therefore introducing Hell.